Part two of two. The repercussions of the crew's discovery and Dr. Hilbert's actions continue to disrupt the station's Christmas plans. Cut off from Minkowski and with limited time to act, Eiffel decides to take a risk. Plus, Smokey Bear Mode, Mr. Kettle, giant fireballs, laughing gas, and crazy plans. 

Part one of two. It's Christmas Day on the Hephaestus. While Minkowski does her best to approximate a traditional holiday dinner, Eiffel decides he's going to try to smoke his last cigarette. Both plans are put on hold, however, when Dr. Hilbert stumbles upon a major discovery. Plus, impenetrable darkness, the blunt approach, sanitized pagan rituals, caller ID, and the last of the real turkey.

In a set of short stories, we get to see what the Hephaestus crew does when they are by themselves. Doctor Hilbert tells a joke and ponders a question. Hera plays a game. Eiffel takes a test. Minkowski sends a message. Plus, floating on a tin can, magic lamps, disappearing terrarriums, programming loopholes, and the HAL 9000 touch. 

Eiffel decides that he wants to step up his game and play a more active role in documenting life on the Hephaestus. His newfound enthusiasm is soon tested when an unscheduled explosion puts a hole in one of the station’s walls and uncovers a mysterious, concealed laboratory on board the spacecraft. As the crew explores the hidden room and uncovers data on its previous occupants, Eiffel is forced to confront one of his fears. Plus, mobile reportage, Charlotte’s lab, the Creepus Maximus, slimy, hairy, and extremely high levels of toxicity. 

As the Hephaestus begins a hazardous passage through an ion wind cluster, Eiffel is surprised to discover a message from the mission higher-ups waiting for him in the Communications Room. When the decoded message turns out to be a cryptic and unintelligible warning about something only identified as the “Empty Man”, the crew struggles to pick an appropriate course of action. What is Command trying to tell them? And who, or what, is the “Empty Man”? Plus, designation alpha, crazy wamajama, riders on the storm, flying blind, and going Big Bad Wolf on a straw house.

In accordance with protocol and the need to maintain crew morale, Minkowski insists on holding another of her infamous talent shows. Both Eiffel and Hilbert come up with schemes to weasel their way out of having to participate, but neither of their plans goes quite as expected. The resulting day is more dangerous, more mysterious, and more musical than either one of them could have ever expected. Plus, eye-less Russian dolls, biochemistry, unnamed megafauna specimen 58, classics of 19^th century opera, and homemade ice cream.

Eiffel takes some time from his busy schedule to answer third graders' questions.

When Minkowski and Hera get into a fight, Eiffel decides to stay out of the way until the dust settles. But the station’s deadly mutant plant monster stowaway somehow gains control of Doctor Hilbert’s mind, and it soon becomes clear that the crew has an emergency on their hands. Can Eiffel and his dubious interpersonal relationship skills patch things up between the Commander and the operating system before something goes disastrously wrong? Plus, Olympic obstinacy, wire-tapping, the peril-o-meter, mustard, and Doug’s Swiss Ass.

The Hephaestus Mission reaches its 500^th day since launch, and Eiffel is determined to make the most of the occasion. His celebration is cut short, however, when a power outage knocks out Hera and all of the station’s automated systems. The crew must find a way to get the station’s central processor back online, and Eiffel stumbles onto a new mystery in the process. Plus, homemade walkie-talkies, Hammer Horror, dance cards, Stephen King FM, and barreling towards certain death.

A mysterious illness strikes Eiffel, quickly leaving him out of commission and bedridden. It falls on Dr. Hilbert’s medical expertise to find some way to get the Communications Officer back to full health. But as the days go by, Eiffel begins to suspect that something more sinister is afoot and starts to question whether Hilbert is curing the disease or causing it. Plus, medicinal lozenges, morbilliform, the full Nick Riviera, swollen glands, and looking on the bright, sunshiny side.